CD66 turned into CD1. I didn't think I would ever be that happy for AF. I was so worried I was going through menopause or something. I had been feeling decent since AF and was really busy taking DD to all sorts of classes and playdates and things. I think I had 1 down day - where we just stayed home and relaxed. Then something weird happened. CD9 turned into CD1! I am not sure what was up with that. That was just strange. Here I go 66 days without AF and now only 9. My body is definitely not working right. This totally changes when I start Prometrium again. I was originally supposed to start it today, but now have to wait until the 27th. I was worried about taking Prometrium so close together. I just stopped the 400mg of Prometrium on the 12th. So that I am happy about. Maybe my body does know what it's doing after all!
Tuesday was a trying day for me. I met a friend and her DS for a playdate. My cousin was also at this place. She just had her second DD. She had a DS about 5-7 years ago, but he died when he was only a few months old. They went through lots of struggles with losing their child and were unsure if they would ever be able to get pregnant again. They have a 4 year old DD and an almost 2 month old DD now.
However, she was there with her playgroup. This group ended up being a bunch of women who have 2 children are do not want anymore. So much so that their DHs have been snipped or they were going to have their tubes tied. It was very difficult to listen to their bitching about having 2 children and not wanting anymore. It obviously made me sad and uncomfortable. I have always told DH that neither one of us will ever have those procedures done because I never want the option to have children taken off the table for us. Of course that was before being diagnosed with PCOS. Now sometimes I feel like I might as well have had my tubes tied, since we have not had any luck with TTC. But I didn't make that choice to not be able to have anymore children, like these women. I am not mad at them. They don't know my story and I wasn't willing to share it with them. It just kind of felt like a slap in the face. These woman have want I want - fertility. It was just a difficult day - a constant reminder!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm sorry it was such a rough day. I hope you and your husband achieve your dream of parenthood soon.
ReplyDelete~ICLW
It's really crappy when you find yourself sitting with a bunch of people who have what you want but don't want it. Especially when you think, if they knew, they wouldn't really trade places with you. And you don't really want to say anything to draw attention to how what they're saying hurts you because then the pity might come, or the silence, or the dismissal.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had to deal with that. It does make for a difficult day. But hopefully better days are on their way. In fact, I know they are.
those kind of days are always so hard. i am sorry that you had to endure it.
ReplyDeleteILCW
I'm sorry for your wacky periods! I hope everything gets back on track soon. It's so easy for the women in the playgroup to be cavalier about their fertility. Glad you have your girl though. :)
ReplyDeleteDitto - they have what I want. My sister just announced a "surprise" pregnancy and I want to rip her throat out.
ReplyDeleteHUGS
~ICLW
Happy ICLW! I totally know what you mean. Now that I have my son, I seem to be less inwardly hateful towards pregnant women and playgroups. But I was at a friend's baby shower this weekend (my friend who conceived through IVF!) and I was sitting next to a woman who had 3 boys (the last of whom she conceived accidentally while still nursing the 2nd baby). And she was going on and on about how depressed she was to not have a little girl and how she was SO upset when she found out her 3rd was going to be another boy. I just kept my mouth shut, but I wish I could show this woman all of these blogs from all of these women struggling for YEARS with infertility. Maybe that would make her shut her damn fertile mouth. Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteHey, here from ICLW,
ReplyDeleteI am also going through secondary infertility and I know what you mean. I thought what you said about not having your tubes tied/Dh not having the snip was interesting because I often feel this way too. Like you, I have a gorgeous DD and struggle with how difficult it is to be around others who have 2 children and don't know what they have. Good luck with your journey!
Sorry you had such a bad day! :(
ReplyDeleteICLW
I'm sorry the playgroup was so uncomfortable for you. It makes it hard when people don't understand or don't seem to take for granted what others of us long for. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteICLW