Sunday, January 17, 2010

I Get So Emotional Baby

My cycle in December started on CD21, which is really strange for me. I am normally lucky if I start on CD30-something.

So now, here I am on CD46 and nothing. Friday I went to the $1 Store to buy a few pregnancy tests. I took one that afternoon (I know morning urine is best) and got a negative result. My body must really be messed up. All day yesterday, I was nauseous. I have been extremely emotional. I noticed that on Thursday when DH and I attended something for DD. Just the thought of sending her to school and listening about how her day would be, made me tearful. I don't feel tearful / emotional like depression, but like extremely emotional. Everything DD says makes me want to cry. I have also lost my appetite. Nothing sounds good to me. These are all similar symptoms I had when I was pregnant with DD. So I don't know what is going on. Maybe I tested too soon. Maybe I am just not pregnant.

I am thinking that it is time to call the ob/gyn again. My body is not working still (apparently). I have been on Metformin for about 6 months and Prometrium for about 5 months. I must not be ovulating still. I think if I was I would be pregnant by now. I am thinking that I will call her to see what our options are for fertility drugs. I believe she will start me on Clomid, but not sure how that works.

I was really hoping that I would be pregnant and far enough along by DD's birthday party. I think it would be so neat if the first gift (or last gift) she opens is what spreads the word to everyone attending the party. I thought I would wrap up a "Big Sister" t-shirt and a big sister book or 2. Wouldn't that be awesome? I think it would. In fact I have been thinking about it so much that I am going to be totally disappointed if we don't get to do that this year. I keep thinking, when would be the next great time we could do something like that.

I have also been trying to figure out how or when I would tell DH. Would I tell him right away? Probably because I would be so excited and relieved. If it happened soon, I could tell him on his birthday. Wouldn't that be a great birthday gift?!

I am getting really depressed and resentful that I am not pregnant yet. It is very hard to understand why I can not get pregnant or why this is happening to me. We had no problems getting pregnant with DD. It just doesn't make sense. But I am sure a lot of women feel that way.

Here's to hoping if I am not pregnant, that I start my period soon, so we can TTC again soon.

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