Sperm Smuggler

I had my first IUI for this cycle on July 10th.  As I was carrying the specimen into the ARS / RE's office, I felt as though I was smuggling something.  That morning when DH saw me take the cup with his specimen and put it in my pants (to keep it next to my body), he laughed.  I guess I'm a Sperm Smuggler!  Anyway, I waited about 45 minutes in the waiting room for the sperm to be washed and cleaned.  Kathy was my nurse for this IUI round.  She said they got a good sample.  She said something like 5 or 50 million sperm or something like that.  I can't remember because of the pain that came soon after.  It hurt!  It hurt bad.  I was already really sore and in pain with my ovaries and then to have this catheter being put up me was no fun.  She said that part of the pain was the catheter hitting the wall because it had to curve to get to the uterus and the other part of the pain had to do with overstimulation and having a lot going on in my body.  It hurt much worse than the IUI from my last cycle.  It took everything in me not to jump off the table, but I just reminded myself why I was there and what the end goal would be (hopefully).  I definitely had a dialogue with God while on the table during the IUI and afterwards while I lay still hoping and praying and begging God that this works this time.  I came home and took a nap. 

Monday the 12th, I went in for the second IUI this cycle.  Once again I smuggled sperm into the ARS / RE's office.  It took about 40 minutes for them to wash and clean the sperm this round. I had a different nurse.  She said it was another good sample.  I actually had no pain with this procedure and it seemed over and done with so quick.  As I was laying on the table I did feel some pain, cramping and / or twitching.  As I lay on the table afterwards, I had a talk with God.  This talk was different.  Of course I was praying that this was our cycle.  That this was it, but something definitely felt different.  Later in the day, I was more crampy / twitchy than I was with the other IUI this cycle and last cycle.    

Tuesday the 13th I started taking Prometrium 100mg 3 times / day.  By the end of the day, it typically knocks me out.  Also something that is a little TMI, we also BD near my ovulation time too.  Hoping that one of those little guys would make their way up there and find their way in one way or another.

Friday, I forgot to get my b/w for my progesterone level done.  The lab was closed on Saturday.  I couldn't believe I forgot.  I remembered that I needed to go Thursday night and by Friday it completely slipped my mind.  Since about Wednesday, I have been having a pain in my boob area.  I have been having horrible back pain and been extremely fatigued. Thursday night DH made some popcorn and the smell of the oil made me sick, nauseous sick. Friday, I had pain in my lower abdomen.  Friday evening, I had pain in my upper stomach and was nauseous by the smell of peanut butter.  My stomach was kind of hard (but not from constipation). I have had diarrhea or gastro issues like gas (sorry TMI).  I have been extremely forgetful too. As I said I forget to get my b/w done, I have been mixing up dates for things in my calendar, can't remember one thing from the next and even put my pants on backwards (thankfully they were my pj bottoms).

I called the ARS / RE's office about forgetting to get my b/w done and Kim (the nurse) told me that it is  timed with the Ovidrel, so it would be too late to get it done.  She said not to worry about it because I am already taking Prometrium.

Monday night I was very emotional, crying over everything.  What first got me started was my stomach.  It was so nauseous.  Then I started crying because I couldn't figure out when DD's first day of school was.  Then DH told me my pj bottoms were on backwards and I started crying all over again.  Last night I couldn't sleep and was crying over DD going to school and anything else I could think of.  I have also been a little bit snippy, blunt or to the point more quickly with people.  I have also noticed more CM, frequent urination, extreme nauseous, insomnia, fatigue and hair loss.  I don't know what these symptoms are all from.  It could be from the Metformin, the Prometrium or because I have PCOS. Or it could and I am hoping it is because I am pregnant.  I have been wanting to shout it out that I am pregnant.  I don't know if it's because my body knows I am (already) or if it's because I am crazy and just being too optimistic / hopeful.  I did feel like that when I was pregnant with DD, so here's hoping.  I have also been counting my possible due date which would be early to mid April. DH counted it out too and we compared the due dates we came up with.  DH and I have been talking about names and the possibility of twins and when we would tell family.  The other day DD told me I was going to have a baby soon.  She has always talked about wanting a brother or a sister, mainly a sister, but to tell me I was going to have a baby soon kind of freaked me out.  She seems so sure.  We do not tell her about what is going on with our struggle TTC.  When she asks about having a sibling, we tell her to pray to Jesus about it.

Because of all the symptoms I'm having and because I am kind of driving myself crazy this cycle, I am going to test on Friday and then again the following Friday unless AF has reared her ugly head.

So once again, I am asking for prayers that this will be our cycle.  This IUI business is not cheap even with insurance paying for some of it.  So far I think we owe / have paid about $1000 for the 2 cycles we have done with the ARS / RE.  I realize that for some couples that is nothing compared to their struggle with TTC, but to us that is pretty expensive.  We live on 1 pretty minor income.

Out with the Old, In with the New

I tested on June 24th and got a BFN.  I called the ARS / RE's office and talked with the nurse.  She said they wanted me to go in for a pregnancy blood test to make sure. So I went in the next day.  She called me later that day with the results.  They were negative.  My progesterone level was good and she said the next time around they are going to start Prometrium 4 days after I ovulate.  She said to call when AF appears in full cycle to schedule appointments for the next cycle.  AF visited for a short visit that night, then went away until Sunday.  I called the office on Monday thinking they were going to have me come in that day, but they said that since AF wasn't a full flow until Sunday they would consider Sunday as CD1, so my appointment (u/s) was scheduled for Tuesday morning.  Tuesday, June 29th, I went in for my CD3 u/s.  I was a little taken aback by the u/s tech's first words to me.  She came in and said "aren't you supposed to be pregnant by now?"  I knew she was just joking and didn't mean anything harmful by it, but it made me a little uncomfortable and stung a bit.  Then she looked at the chart and saw it was only my 2nd month (2nd cycle) with them.  She said that I had some good things going last cycle - good lining, made a follicle big enough and I ovulated.  She started the u/s.  She said that I shed my lining, had no residual fluid and lots of eggs / follicles.  I met with the nurse and she gave me a calendar with the details of the plan for this cycle.  My plan for this cycle: Clomid for 5 days starting on June 29th.  Follistim injection on July 5th.  OPK on the 7th and 8th.  U/s on the 9th.  Ovidrel injection timed with ovulation.  IUI (2 rounds) timed with ovulation.  Start Prometrium 4 days after ovulation / Ovidrel injection.  Progesterone b/w one week after Ovidrel injection. The plan this time is similar in that I had the CD3 u/s, took Clomid for 5 days starting on CD3 and have a Progesterone b/w 1 week after ovulation.  It differs from last time because this time I will get Follistim injection instead of Gonal F and I receive it on CD9 where as I had the Gonal F injection on CD13.  I will also start Prometrium 4 days after ovulation. 

I started Clomid for 5 days that evening.  Instead of Gonal F, I had to purchase Follistim.  I received that injection on the 5th (CD9) in the back of my upper right arm.  Man, that injection stung and burned going in and even afterwards for a bit.  I was glad I went in to have the nurse give me the injection instead of trying to do it myself.  I don't know if I could've done it myself.  I took an OPK on Wednesday and Thursday with negative results for surge.  This morning when I went in for my u/s, I was having terrible pain and pulling below my stomach.  I told the u/s tech and she said something must be happening. I was actually fearful that I had ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (ohs).  Well thankfully that's not what the pain was.  My lining was 7.6, I had no residual fluid and 4 follicles that she measured in my Left ovary.  They measured 25.5, 19, 16 and 10.5.  In my right ovary, I had 2 follicles that she measured.  They measured 15 and 10.5.  I was very excited about this news.  I can't believe all the follicles that are at a good size.  The tech said they measure any follicle over 10, but that they didn't expect the 10.5 ones to do anything.  She said the follicle that measures 16 (in my left ovary) and the one that measures 15 (in my right ovary) could still get bigger, so we couldn't discount them.  The tech said that is the reason I am having so much pain.  She said that I should just take it easy.  After the u/s, I saw the nurse.  She said that they had to go over my risk for multiples and make sure I wanted to proceed since I have 3 good size follicles in my left ovary.  She also made it clear that just because I have 3 good size follicles, nothing could still happen.  I told her I understood and wanted to go ahead with the plan.  She gave me the Ovidrel injection.  I must just be a wimp because that burned going in, too.  I have an IUI scheduled for tomorrow and Monday.  I start the Prometrium on Tuesday and go for a Progesterone b/w on Friday. 

IUI, Post-Ov Ultrasound and Progesterone Bloodwork

Sorry I haven't posted an update about the IUI.  I guess I have just been trying not to think about it much and trying to focus on other things so I don't drive myself crazy.  June 10th, I went in for the IUI with DH's specimen in a cup tucked inside my clothes so that I could keep it close to my body (that's what they suggested I do).  The IUI was about 10 minutes long.  The nurse brought in the tube with the sperm and said there were lots of sperm in the specimen I brought in.  Yeah!!  She showed me the tube.  It was cloudy looking.  She said that was good and means there are lots of sperm in there.  She brought out a long thin needle thing, which is what she used to inject the sperm in me.  The procedure was fine except for when she hit my uterus.  We were talking and I stopped in mid-sentence.  She asked if I felt discomfort.  I said yes.  She said that she must have hit my uterus and needed me to tell her if I felt any discomfort  because she can't tell how far she has injected it / if she is hitting the uterus.  After the procedure, I layed on the table for about 5 minutes before I left.  I felt some pressure in my vaginal area, but other than that felt OK. 

I was pretty tired.  DD and I took a 3+ hour nap.  It was great! 

I went in the next day (June 11th) for a post ovulation u/s.  The tech said my lining was now at an 11.  Good!  She could also tell that an egg was released because there was fluid.  She said we had done everything we can up to that point.  She said 2 weeks after I had the Ovidrel, I can take a test.  She did warm me about taking it too early though, to avoid getting another BFN.  I am to call when I receive a BFP or if AF visits. 

DH and I drank a bottle of one of our favorite wines (because hopefully soon I won't be drinking any for about 9-10 months) and he toasted "to our growing family."  That was such a sweet toast!  I loved it and I love him.

June 15th I went in for b/w to check my progesterone level.  The nurse called the next day with the results.  She said my level was a little low.  They like it to be at least 20 and mine was at 13 (which was no surprise since my ob/gyn diagnosed me with LPD).  They want me to take 100mg of Prometrium 3 times per day.  She said that I should call the office by the 25th, unless I receive a BFP before that (then I need to call right away).  If I get a BFN and no visit from AF, they are going to do b/w.  I plan on testing today actually (the 24th).

Since then it has just been a waiting game and I have been trying to focus on other things and not think too much about it.

PostCoital Test

Wednesday I woke up with a horrible back ache.  It ached all day.  I went to the ARS' office for the postcoital test.  I guess I have been in the office enough, I didn't even have to check in. As soon as I walked in the door, the receptionist waved to me.  They were running late, about 30 minutes.  This was the first time I have ever had to wait.  It was no big deal.  Things / emergencies, non-emergencies come up.  The doctor was actually not in.  He was in Portland and then heading to San Diego for a conference.  After the nurse called my name and took me to the exam room and after undressing from the waist down, while I was sitting on the table, I noticed a very long pair of scissors on the exam table.  Actually I wasn't sure at that point if they were scissors or what they were.  They looked like scissors and I was kind of starting to freak out.  I almost took a picture of the instrument, but didn't want the nurse to walk in and see me bare butt taking a picture of this instrument.  The nurse came in and we started talking about the instrument.  She said that they probably shouldn't have put it out on the exam table first because it might have freaked me out.  I told her that I was a little scared of it.  She said that the exam would feel similar to a pap smear.  She said that she would stick the scissor-like instrument up me to get samples (4 of them) of my CM.  It didn't really hurt per say, but was uncomfortable and definitely lasted longer than a pap smear (at least any I have ever had).  She said that I had plenty of CM, which was good because sometimes when women take Clomid it messes / depletes their CM.  She took the 4 slides in to look at.  When she came back, I could tell that the news wasn't the best.  She said that my CM looks good, but there aren't as many sperm as they like to see swimming around.  She said they like to see 5-10 and only saw maybe 2-3.  The nurse said that at this point we could do 2 things: 1) could do IUI the next day and then continue with the plan or 2) continue with the plan.  She explained what IUI was - DH collects his sample in a container at home no more than an hour before my appointment.  I bring the sample to the office and they clean and select the "perfect" sperm which takes 45-50 minutes then they use a catheter to insert the sperm into me.  She said that this procedure costs $250.  She said normally for an IUI cycle, they would do it 2 times per each cycle, but since I had the postcoital test this cycle, we could only do it 1 time.  She said that there is a possibility (small) that I could get pregnant with the 2-3 sperm that are there and that it was up to us. She said if I thought DH and I would be at all interested to go ahead and schedule it and that I could always cancel it.  DH said that we should go through with it.  So in a little over 6 hours, he will collect a sample and then I will take it to the ARS' office and the IUI procedure will be started. 

I have to say when the nurse said that there wasn't enough sperm in the CM, I had mixed feelings. Part of me was like what, I can't believe that about my man.  Then I was almost relieved that this wasn't all my "fault".  Then I was kind of scared and unsure of what to do / think next.  DH said after I told him the news, he felt depressed at first.  He said that he started thinking "It's because I'm overweight."  "It's because I drink too much diet coke."  "It's because of the underwear I wore growing up."  Then he said that he told himself "Why should I do this to myself, I didn't think this way about DW when we thought it was issues with her?"  I told him that he has a glimpse of what I feel like every day.  Now he knows (kind of) what I feel like and how I feel.  The truth is it is not my fault or his fault.  I don't know why my body won't ovulate (regularly) on it's own and why he had low sperm count / numbers in the CM.  I don't know if we will ever know.  Maybe it is something that we did or are doing, but maybe it isn't.  Maybe that's just the way it is and no matter what we did or do, it will still be the same.  I know that God is preparing our hearts for a 2nd child.  When we are ready He will bless us with that wonderful gift.  It's on His terms and time table.  All we can do is pray to Him and keep loving each other.  We definitely can't blame each other or ourselves.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.